This is amazing! And I wonder if I can ask them to give me a MS in Domestic Science lol. I certainly don’t know how to clean any better. My default method is to just throw some solvent at it.
This is one of my favorite responses you’ve ever done Wendy. Heartfelt, direct, and honest. Best of luck to you LW.
Had we known he already had a diagnosis, we wouldn’t have pushed so hard for the medical advice, and might have tried convincing him to cut back on his cigarettes and beer and put more effort into therapies that might have helped him
This is breaking my heart. LW, I sincerely hope you get some lengthy alone-time so you can escape from the negativity and realize that you can absolutely make it on your own.
OP, if “afraid to live on my own” in any way involves fear of supporting yourself, or of financial devastation, please see an attorney. Having some information about what your financial future might look like can do a lot to erase that fear.
Nor is it fair to your children or granddaughter
Making this decision, at any age, can be frightening! I remember being afraid to leave my first husband because I thought I needed him to survive financially. Turns out I didn’t, and I stayed a lot longer than I probably should have due to that original fear. Do what Seattleite says…See a lawyer…initial consultations are free where I live. Develop a game plan…either to stay or to go, and weigh all of your options. Can you stay with one of your daughters temporarily? Will your husband leave and pay some sort of short term support? All things considered, 60 is too young to be stuck and miserable (although any age is!). Good luck to you!
I feel for this LW. My grandpa was a difficult man to deal with at times, and my grandma stuck by him through it all until his death. Of course, we all tried to convince her during the dark times that she needed to leave. He wasn’t physically violent, just a drunk, negative, bullying man when alcohol is in him, which was all the time. They had a system where she’d hide his whiskey and only give it to him a few times a week, and he drank beer from noon until midnight. LW, your husband may change. He may not. The only way to facilitate change is to actually communicate what you want in life. You want him to stop being so damned negative. Tell him so. Schedule time for a therapist, either for yourself alone, or together as a couple. See what happens. It could be a medical reason for his constant grumpiness. Example: my grandpa hid his own emphysema and cancer diagnoses from the family because he didn’t want anyone to know, and he figured he wouldn’t be around much longer and didn’t want to waste the money on himself to try to make things better. He increasingly got more cranky and thinner, and none of us could explain why, and anytime we suggested a doctor, he’d get pissed.
It’s scary sometimes, not knowing what the unknown will actually be like. However, you are miserable in the situation you’re in. That’s not fair to you right now. Your husband needs to know this. He can’t change his behavior if he doesn’t know it’s a problem.
LW – You deserve to be happy! However, I urge you to online installment loans Colorado contact an attorney to figure out your financial future. I am guessing your husband is retiring with the notion of supporting 1 household and not 2 on the retirement income that is available. If you leave him, would it be best financially if he continues to work instead of retiring? Does he have any idea how unhappy you are? Does he have any idea that you are considering leaving him – after he gives up his job? There are 2 sides to every story. I urge you to think this through, LW, and discuss it with your husband.